A Rant

Go away Glomail Adverts! with your matchbox budgets capable of only hiring face-for-radio “actors” with a penchant for hanging around fires wearing synthetic retarded blankets with holes in or 40+ year old sleepovers on glorified lilos, ooh botox too much?? How about squeezing snail foot all over your face and see in 2 weeks if that works, while watching your brat play on his laptop which basically is a heap of un-eco friendly plastic, housing a 1-inch LCD screen but oh you can add sums in Afrikaans? well fry my ass and call me Einstein!! I didn’t know they had a boere version of the number 1, back to school for me.Of course I can get plenty exercise for PT running on a state-of-the-art mat, watching state-of-the-art 2-bit pixels, if your “workout" cause's you to pee, you could wipe it up with microfibre plastic so small they had to computer generate it .ooh graphics. Money back guarantee! How’s about I pay you to never make any of that shit ever again that would be the greatest back guarantee ever!!! Go away Glomail no one likes you!!!!!

this is a rant.

Hey hey hey!!!!

Been ages hey? But anyhew I’ve actually been quite a busy beaver, and not just the social circuit. Have a lot of mini stuff in the pipelines so watch this space and not my ass. Okay maybe my ass, its cute right? Don’t deny it…..

Went for a casting yesterday for an overseas brand, had to act, it was fun!!! I miss acting. I chose advertising as I thought it was more stable “low and behold” later, cue in frying pan (labelled- reality check) to face. So that’s one thing to hold thumbs for. I’m also working on a semi- secret project for a college over seas, that if I win I get in!!! Some people know others don’t. Now I don’t want to tell all just yet, as I am a firm believer in the power of Jinx, so bear with me until further notice, wow I’m like Bold and the Beautiful with that hook, except I don’t sleep around with family members, although I am Greek so how could I know.

So on Sunday I was the victim of a crime (no, no SABC3 sponsored musician was no where near my ears). It was Just off Long Street (shock) where some Bergie took my phone right out of my hands and poofed it away into his bag. Cue a slightly tipsy Matti running after him begging for at least the SIM card back, oh he gave me something right, like three punches’ later. Not hectic ones but it was assault, thank God for a group of ladies and a cab driver later and a friend I got my phone back!! But what really got me was how the people around me really helped me. It was reminiscent of the scene in Kindergarden Cop where the kids yell “Stranger Stranger”, and how the most effective weapon is not a knife or gun but a voice and you can never run out of bullets with that…….unless you really scream loud.

Okay I’m out Enjoy the weekend people

I’m A Pervert and I’m Proud Of It!!

Are you one of those people who don’t just watch films..they rape them!!!!! And I don’t mean that in the offensive way I mean it in the way a dog would devour a bone way…okay just in case you were wondering I’m not talking about porn, I’m talking about normal movies you see in the theatres. Of course not the Hanna Montana’s or National Lampoons, this is more on the dare-I say-it “Indie” circuit. (GASP!!). I like to think I get it from my actor side of my brain…which I call the Dramatic lobe (it has many uses than the one stated here). I came across this wonderful piece of production called “ The Perverts Guide To Cinema” I must say I was thrilled at the fact of this piece of medium rare sirloin stake. Mmmmmmo. I suppose it lets me know I’m not the only one who loooooooovvvvvesssssss what goes into a making of a movie.

Take a look: www.thepervertsguide.com

PS: listening to Wrecked Metal- Zeigeist naaaaiiicceee!!!!

Hey hey hey

Can you believe I haven’t done a single post in ages, I would say I have been busy but alas no, my life she be boring. Well not that I did recently celebrate my birthday last week and it was great a whole weekend of debauched goodness like a tub of Hag n Das, of course being lactose intolerant you all know what eventually happens afterwards……..yeah.
Fun was had by all who came to my little shindig on Thursday. Even tho my Birthday was the next day, I figured: How else to handle the impending realisation that as I’m getting older, the only rings I have, are the ones under my eyes, than by being as intoxicated with peeps as I can possibly get, and yeah, you should’ve seen all the rings I got.

Birthday Card

Inside Birthday Card...what lovely friends have I!!!!

Starting a job on Friday, wait wait wait, before you get all hoohah!! Its not in the field I’ve been looking for 5 MONTHS for, its in selling which I am more than happy to do than go back into waitering. Its something to do while I wait for my passport to come through and its in a gym! So I can finally do something about the thing that science calls my body.

Well off I go SpongeBob is starting……

Delayed Easter Update: Kavorting in KaKnysna KaNice

Hey ya, hoop ya’ll had a great Easter weekend, I know I did. I had the extreme opportunity to go on a roadtrip all the way to Knysna. Much fun was had, the places we went to, the people who skeefed us out, fun fun fun!! Even met up with a Amy and Delon and debauched the bar known as Zanzibar

But alas some things aren’t meant to last and we were on our way home. Now as you all probably heard of the Truck strikes on the N1, so we took the back way out, what we didn’t plan on was stumbling upon the set of The Hills Have Eyes. Some how we had found ourselves on a gravel road meandering through mountains and cattle gates. Passing comments like: Is that the decrepit building to which they store the bodies? Laughing at the fact that it would be ten times more scarier at night…flash forward 2 hours later and we were still, passing comments like: Is that the decrepit building to which they store the bodies? Not laughing at the fact that it IS ten times more scarier at night with the added plot points such as dead cell batteries and no reception.

I swear guys, Nats and me were literally going through the motions of insanity, I mean we could’ve turned a corner and stumble upon a Patricia Lewis Album Launch! Yes (Parents tuck the kids in bed) it’s that horrifying. At one point there was a bush in the middle of the road, which could’ve been a a cannibal redneck couching over a dead body, would have the reaction of: What the fuck is that????!!! WHAT THE F&*%!!????!?!? WHAT THE F@£$….A BUSH!!!!?!! WHAT THE F$%@??!!!!!! OH GOD A BUSH!!!!!

So it took three hours with a lot of Kylie Minogue and I Spy with my little eye but we made it, and lived to sell the movie rights.

What a country, what an island

There was a lot of stuff happening this weekend in the good ol’ Cape, The North Sea Jazz Festival – Moss Def !!!! and the flooding of celebrities to the opening of the new posh hotel The One and Only. “Wonderfully" located in the bowl of the Waterfront with “breathtaking” views of the Aquarium, um….yeah fuck the Burj Al Arab, I want spectacular views of those iconic billboards about those frog exhibitions, maybe they could do a joint billboard that goes..

“ you must be hopping mad to stay there…….and not come to the frog exhibition”


Of course I never went to any of those…urg, but I think the next thing is the Coke Fest, druggies don’t get your lollies in a pop, it’s the yearly fest of musicians that head over from the outside universe to visit our humble shores, in hopes of enlightening us to good real music, giving us a break from those Idols that should go Pop! Oasis, Snow Patrol, Panic at the disco…nice!!!! Just for interest sake here is my dreamlist for a coke fest:

Interpol
Kings of Leon
Bloc Party
Yeah Yeah Yeahs
with dj groups Cut Copy and Digitalism for pomping beats

now that would be worthy of awesomeness

Oh To Be An X-Man in the 80's