Sunday, October 24, 2010

Silent Night Holy Shite!

Screw the fat peadophile in the red suit and didn't Glen Close do us a favour by boiling that acid-multi-coloured-egg-laying bunny freak a while back? There's only one holiday that bastes my lion chops with that just about right mix of savoury chili flavour.


To commemorate the one day where we all can pull the repressive curtains away and show our deepest darkest desires, by dressing up as river fairies, S&M bondage queens and German tourists, I have put together a list of a few of my awesomost favourist horror flicks, from 80's shtick to J whorer, which I call:

1: Gremlins

This 1984 Creature Feature was instrumental in my youthful days, not only was the overall theme of "follow the rules or else" scared me shitless when thinking what the fuck would happen if I did that to my dog. It also introduced to me my earliest man crush in the form of Zach Galligan. Dark Comedy at its best, (tip: take out the sequel for a double dose of Mogwai)

Best Death Scene: A draw between microwave Gremlin and old hag "Speed Racer" impersonation on stair lift.

2: A Nightmare On Elm Street
The deformed face of 80's horror, Freddy Krueger. The fact that going to sleep meant death led to a couple of days dozing in the classroom and constant checks under the bed. The thought of using ones imagination as a tool for horror or survival planted the seed in this boys head that would one day blossom into a career. The basement scenes still make me cringe.

Best Death Scene: a guy getting sucked into a bed and blood spewing up towards the ceiling, the guy? Johnny Depp.

3: The Descent

If I had to describe my emotions whilst watching this movie it would be: shit in my pants followed by a 4x4 ride down Table Mountain. A British movie about a bunch of woman going cave diving only to find that claustrophobic spaces are not the only things to worry about. I watched this one alone: not.a.good.idea.

Best Death Scene: not a death scene but the first scene where we are introduced to the horror is fantastically fucking scary.

4: The House Of The Devil

A love letter to 70's horror with echoes of Rosemary's Baby and The Exorcist. Set in the 80's, a young girl is called to babysit one night at a creepy house, which just so happens to be home of satanic people. Beautiful cinematography and superb soundtrack, Check This Out!

Best Death Scene: Again not so much death but the dancing with the Walkman on throughout the house puts a much needed break from the tension of the movie plus cool song.

5: Infection

What would this list be without some J Whorer! Volume one of six in the J-Horror Theater series, Infection tells a mind bending story about a failing hospital dealing with potential budget cuts,useless new nurses,lack of medical supplies oh and a contamination of the what-the-fuck-is-going-on kind. As always with Japanese Horror, its about the mind and not so much the gore (which attracts me to this sub genre).

Best Death Scene: blood fusion via one vein to a corpse surrounded by heaters.

And there we go, a nice mixture of genres for ya'll to enjoy this week and remember its not a treat if you don't pull a trick or two...

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